It’s like a scene out of a movie: A big downtown firm is interviewing candidates for a top sales position. It’s been a long and draining day full of dull questions and even duller responses. The fat cats are getting ready to call it a day, when suddenly they hear a knock on the door.
“Gentlemen, [...]
Entries Tagged as 'Science'
Scientists Surgically Lodge Man’s Foot in a Door
July 17th, 2010 · No Comments · Science
Tags:discounts on handles·door styles·doors·frames·mahogony·mouldings·oak·varnish
Study: Over 95% of Michael Cera Faux Pas Go Unreported
June 8th, 2010 · No Comments · Michael Cera, News, Science
With the reverberations are still being felt from last month’s Michael Cera scandal, a new study threatens to demolish what is left of Michael Cera’s nice-guy credibility. The study, released yesterday, claims that famed nice-seeming so-and-so Michael Cera is, in actuality, not as unassuming as the characters he traditionally plays. Naturally, these allegations have set [...]
Tags:Big M.A.C.·farts·I'm Fartacus·Michael Cera·nice guys finishing last·plural faux pas·pot shots·Science·Scott Pilgrim·studies
Scientists Uncover Sweeping Platitude
May 2nd, 2010 · No Comments · News, Science
“Well it just goes to show you,” remarked physicist and popular author Brian Greene bearing his trademark don’t-cha-know-it grin, “the universe still has a few tricks up her sleeve.”
Scientists around the globe are just beginning to grasp the significance of what is “perhaps the first great scientific discovery of our young century.” Published in last [...]
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STARS! THEY’RE JUST LIKE US!
November 3rd, 2009 · 2 Comments · Celebrity Gossip, Science
… They get ketchup all over their new outfit!
Madam Eta Carinae thought she’d have a quick lunch break before heading back to work. Looks like she got a little mooney for her homonocleus nebula snack and it exploded all over her! Uh oh… Here’s hoping she’s like us and packs a stick-on stain remover. In [...]
Tags:Astronomy·Frank & Beanz·Jokes about Celebrities·Jokes about jokes·Jokes about Magazines·Jokes about Nebulas·Jokes about orion·Jokes about Stars·Jokes about Stars they're just like us·Jokes about the universe·Jokes baout i want to kill myself·Juicy Celebrity Gossip
Time traveler from 1998 tells you about the future
July 20th, 2009 · No Comments · Advice, History, Science
Hurumph! How did I get here? Man, my head is pounding. I can feel my brain rubbing against the inside of my skull. Where am I? Craig? Steve? Hey, you. Dude. Wait. You, guy. Lemme see those shades. What the…oh man. Dude. It’s finally happened…
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Data’s Summer Sublet: The Collected Post-Its
June 1st, 2009 · No Comments · Movies, Science, Television and TV
JUL 04: Greetings, new roommate. Although I lack the ability to feel basic human emotions, I wish to communicate to you my gratitude and eagerness to be spending the next two months with you. That said, I feel there has been a miscommunication regarding certain aspects of a domestic nature. In the craigslist ad I [...]
Tags:blocked cocks·blocks·chores·cockblocks·cocks·Data·hygiene·my dreams·roommates·singing·Spinerfem·Star Trek
Kings of the Stump, Vol. 11: “Evolution Shmevolution”
May 19th, 2009 · No Comments · Politics, Science
SPEAKER: Elmer Whatshisname IV
AUTHOR: Elmer Whatshisname IV, Jr.
AFFILIATION: Regressive Conservative Party
DATE: October 12th, 1975
CANDIDATE: (greetings, baby kisses, waves waves waves) Welcome, welcome one and all, thank y’all for showin’ up on this blustery Bluesday!
Tags:big boobs xxx·cats·cats turn into dogs·conservatives·crawdads·Dogs·evolution·humdingers·liberals·Politics·southerners·speeches·yankees
Ask Heath About Health!
May 1st, 2009 · 2 Comments · Advice, Science
Heath,
I drink Gatorade so much that I have begun sweating out flourescent yellow. This confuses me because I only drink orange Gatorade. Should I switch to Encino brand energy sport drink instead? I have heard through the grape vine and from many popular athletes that this drink is far superior to the Gatorade products and [...]
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New Terminator Film “Made Itself”: McG
April 24th, 2009 · No Comments · Movies, News, Science
By: John Semley, Accredited Graduate of Hollywood Insider Correspondence Equivalence Programme
HOLLYWOOD, PA-Exciting news from Tinsel Town, insiders! In an exclusive on-chesterfield interview with your humble cub reporter, certified Hollywood superstar director/producer McG, who sources indicate is actually named Joseph McGinty Nichol, claimed that his latest film, Terminator Salvation, offered no particular challenges for the exceptionally [...]
Tags:Christian Bale·James Cameron·Jones Soda·McG·Night at the Museum 2·sentient supercomputers·summer blockbusters·Terminator Salvation
You monsters over at Yum! Brands Inc. are playing God
April 11th, 2009 · No Comments · Criminal Crooks, Food, Science
By: Dr. Dale Wiesenfield, Theoretical Physicist
Fools! What new streak of thoughtless mongrelism is this, Yum! Brands Inc.? In your increasingly indelicate quest to render food faster, crunchier, and by all informed accounts more delicious, you have exceeded the boundaries of constancy erected by nature Herself. This newest luncheon novelty of yours, this so-named Wrapstar, stands in direct [...]
Tags:apocalyptic snack design·Chaos theory·KFC·Knowing·Pepsi Co.·Taco Bell·the Urvogel·Theoretical physics·Wrapstar