Criminal Crooks

Entries Tagged as 'Criminal Crooks'

From “The Marvel Monthly,” Newsletter of The Magicians and Spellbinders Local 319

April 5th, 2010 · No Comments · Criminal Crooks, Dads

Amateur Magician, Father Disappears
By Walter Wynn, Staff Reporter/Apprentice Diabolist
Amazing news out of Cobourg, Ontario this month, fellow illusionists! In a feat of hocus-pocus derring-do, area father and journeyman magician Dave O’Brien vanished from the living room of his Walnut Lane bungalow. According to reports from the audience in attendance, the 46-year-old Cobourg diviner disappeared, as [...]

Rip Torn Rallies An Imaginary Posse

February 4th, 2010 · No Comments · Comedy Greats, Criminal Crooks, Dads

Alright listen up you peckerheads. I know you’re all just Ditran-induced hallucinations and I don’t know who’s talking, me or the Glenlivet, but fuck it all to hell. I am the Glenlivet. So you yella pricks listen to me and you listen hard. That cocksucking bank’s had it good for too long. And we’re taking [...]

Man Shocked and Dismayed to Discover Identity of Biological Father

November 25th, 2009 · 1 Comment · Celebrity Gossip, Criminal Crooks, Dads, Movies

QUEBEC CITY, QUEBEC – A local man has spoken of his inner torment after discovering his long-lost father is actually a notorious pirate.

Five years ago Michel St. Pierre, 38, was informed that he had been adopted as an infant. After hearing the news, he became determined to reconnect with his [...]

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Tags:Frank & Beanz

Slobodan Blubovich Arrested for Crimes Against Bluemanity

November 3rd, 2009 · No Comments · Criminal Crooks, News, Politics

Oh the Bluemanity!

Farewell, My Ghostly

October 28th, 2009 · No Comments · Criminal Crooks, Ghoulish Goodies

The Diaries of Osmond Finger, Ghost Detective

Monday
11:45 am.
Office.
Attempt to smoke cigarette and drink whiskey. Mess on the floor. Lack of breath makes inhalation difficult.
Beautiful woman enters, looks confused, wonders aloud where the detective is.

Undercover Cop Just “One of the Guys”

October 11th, 2009 · No Comments · Bros, Criminal Crooks

Ding-dong, fellow college-age persons! Is this a sick party happening or what? Buddy of mine, Craig, told me that it’s you guys who are the ones who throw the whackest (or is it most whack?) parties on my beat, I mean street. Mind if I come in?
Cool, cool, cool. Cool setup. I really dig the [...]

Historical Journals: Excerpts from the Diary of Marshall Applewhite

September 3rd, 2009 · No Comments · Criminal Crooks, History, The Unexplained

The latest in Terminal Laughter’s found documents of major turning-points in human history, these missives from Heaven’s Gate cult leader Marshall Applewhite barreled into the Terminal Laughter HQ tucked into an earthbound meteorite. The stylish 5-Star Notebook revealed many secrets of the Heaven’s Gate, including the time the group spent coasting around the cosmos on [...]

A Heritage of Brutality Is Better Than No Heritage At All

May 12th, 2009 · No Comments · Criminal Crooks, Dads, History, Politics

Greetings, child. It is I, your father. Come, sit down, and read what I have to tell you.
Aware as I am of your recent dabblings in history, alternative history, alternativity and guilt, I have decided, child, to rationally and pre-emptively answer the questions you will undoubtedly have within a matter of weeks. You may feel [...]

Re: Volunteer Camp Retreat Itinerary

May 11th, 2009 · 1 Comment · Corporate Literature, Criminal Crooks, The Unexplained

On June 13th, 10:43 am, Samuel Withenshaw wrote:
Hello volunteers!
On behalf of all the staff at Skip Rope for Heart, I would like to express our sincerest gratitude for all of your help coordinating and participating in the events of the last few months. Your continued efforts have helped to make 2009 the most successful year [...]