Known for high-profile roles in such seminal comedy pictures as Easy Money and The Godson, American comedian Rodney Dangerfield (November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004) was known for his self-deprecating humour, depression, and gallant ability to command very little to no respect from his family, peers, spouse, physician, psychiatrist, and dog.
But starting out in [...]
Bean There, Done That
The Official Autobeanography
by Mr. Bean
(with Elliot Whitacre)
[unreleased]
—
Chapter 5: What Price Fame?
[The door opens, and Bean enters my living room for our third session, which should hopefully cover his time at the top.]
Hellooooo.
[Bean approaches my modernist chair casually, but finds it to be somewhat lower to the ground than anticipated.]
Ooooodearrrrrr.
Tags:autobiographies·celebrity·methamphetamine·Mr. Bean·permanent good ones·Rowan Atkinson
Alright listen up you peckerheads. I know you’re all just Ditran-induced hallucinations and I don’t know who’s talking, me or the Glenlivet, but fuck it all to hell. I am the Glenlivet. So you yella pricks listen to me and you listen hard. That cocksucking bank’s had it good for too long. And we’re taking [...]
Tags:arson·drinking·drunks·masculinity·real men·Rip Torn·robbery·robbing a bank·testicles
by Big Chief Dances-With-Punchline, standup comedian
.
To the Patrons of the Greater Poconos Resort’s Ha-Ha Lodge:
Me so solly.
Serious – me, Big Chief, heap big solly.
Many moons ago, great pow-wow held in Ha-Ha Lodge. Promotions range far and wide, from Rochester to Amityville. Bargain like this pow-wow rare as white buffalo – tourists save-um wampum like beaver [...]
Tags:inappropriate·legacy of shame·no shootum messenger·Offensive·Whoops!
By CHIP RUSSO
First time I heard about 9/11 I thought someone was talkin’ about the number of times a day my wife whines “Does this make me look fat?”
Guys on the news talkin’ about Iraq. Thought I could relate. I’m thinkin’– and any guy whose married’ll tell ya I ain’t kiddin’– “me too, Hell, [...]
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By Max Hartshorn
Are you a hack?
If you answered yes to this question then you are probably not a hack. You are likely a genuinely funny individual who has chosen to answer this way in an effort to a) portray modesty and b) showcase your ’sarcastic wit,’ in which you immediately say the opposite of what [...]
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by OFFICER GABRIEL TIERNEY
All right, hot shot, end of the line. I’ve had about enough of your capering. I took the orange peel, I took the Groucho glasses, I took the googlie eyes you had on underneath the glasses, and now I’m gonna take this mugshot, because it’s three in the morning, and we can’t [...]
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