Yo, everyone. What up? First, right off, I want to thank all you for coming in on a Sunday. A lot of you are missing Dexter, and that sucks. I know. Is everyone here? Craig? No? Well I’m going anyways.
Alright staff—wait. Naw. I hate that word “staff” you know? Makes us sound like we’re a [...]
Tags:Action·AIDA·Attention·Closing·Decision·Interest·Managerial Labour·Record Stores·Sales·Sales Quotas·Selling·the Sullivan Nod·Titanic Pictures
Years before the invisible hands of the global recession were wringing the necks of our economy, there were tell-tale signs that disaster was impending. Between 1999 and 2009, the growth of the Morewood-Stalkfrew region averaged only around 2.6 per cent per annum, while our county counterparts have done much better. Although The Devil has dealt [...]
Tags:Business advice·Climbing out of the recession·Community·How to deal with the recession·Recession·Sacrifices
In times of such heightened economic uncertainty, it is essential to take no chances. The world out there, I have learned, is a cut-throat one. The competition will quite literally cut you up in your throat just to get ahead. After having been downsized, by both my place of employment and by many of my [...]
Tags:
Direct-mail copy drafted by: John Semley
Inferis Memorabilia Online is a trusted, quality-oriented retailer specializing in the finest Cosa Nostra and more nonspecifically organized crime collectibles and interior decorating solutions. Finally, with Inferis Memorabilia Online’s Italo-American line of framed, top-matted, wood-mounted or value-laminated posters and art prints, you can attract more customers to your Italian-style eatery, [...]
by Edward Petrenko – CEO, Petrenkorp Mining Inc.
I hope you like it – it’s the classiest restaurant in Sudbury. I slipped ‘em a little something a few weeks ago to bump ‘em up a star or two, just for tonight. Hey, it’s the least I could do. But, speaking of slipping ‘em [...]
Tags:
Listen B.A.s, there’s a point between requisitely griping about rising petroleum prices and Wikipedia-ing the “Subjective theory of value” for the fourth time in a month that you just have to fess up to not knowing what the economy is. Just drop the act, shrug your shoulders, throw up your hands—palms facing skyward like those [...]
by Max Hartshorn
Greetings respected employees. As our quarter inches ever closer to its inevitable close we must prepare ourselves to endure yet another meaningless cycle of capitalist frenzy. Let our earnings per share growth rate ratio shine as a beacon to the great unwashed, and, more pointedly, stand as an ever heightening spire reaching upwards [...]
Tags:
by Edward Petrenko
After years of wavering commitment to presenting thought-provoking, creative exhibits, the Wenigma Artspace announced this Monday that it has officially abandoned any further efforts in this direction.
“Fuck this,” exclaimed gallery founder and executor Gord Portnoy, speaking at a press conference given from the flatbed of his recently-acquired Ford F-350. Portnoy, formerly known as, [...]
Tags:
By EVAN MILLAR
You guys are making too big a deal out of this whole “implications” thing. If you take away the context—which most people will forget within five or ten years anyway– then “YOUR CHILD IS IN OUR HANDS” is a great slogan for your boarding school.
From a marketing standpoint it is great: it lets [...]
Tags: