TERMINAL LAUGHTER

(ZURICH) Former general Slobodan Blubovich was detained earlier today by Swiss police under charges of crimes against bluemanity during his brief but violent period in control of the small, musical nation of Bluemania.

Speficially, the charges stem from the brutal repression of the centre-left Blue Man Group movement, which he is alleged to have ordered after seizing power in the Blue November military coup of 1988.  Mr. Blubovich has remained free in the two decades since, and has denied any involvement.

An impassioned tableau depicting the events leading up to the genocide

Representatives of the Group have toured the world since, attempting to raise awareness of the horrific violence of the period, in which an estimated 30,000 Bluemen were clubbed, hammered, and otherwise beaten to death in what many historians have labeled a genocide.  Though their efforts have been praised, the Group’s representatives have faced allegations that the conceptual nature of their speeches have confused, rather than promoted awareness of, the massacre.

This arrest marks the beginning of the first attempt to bring the perpetrators to justice.  Mr. Blubovich, now a dye manufacturer, had been attending a conference on synthetic dyes in Switzerland before his arrest.

Griendzic arrives at the station

His lawyer (and former Secretary of State) Radovan Griendzic quickly issued a statement once again categorically denying any involvement on behalf of his client.  He went on to decry any potential trial as unjust, as no Bluemanian could be considered impartial on the matter.  Critics claim Griendzic himself is implicated in the massacre as a leading member of the coup, responsible for coordinating secret negotiations with neighbouring Greengaria, his homeland.  However, witnesses report Griendzic’s health to be incredibly poor, claiming his skin to have been sickly green while issuing the statement, raising questions about his ability to defend Mr. Blubovich for the duration of a trial.

Dalton Drumblue, one of the original touring members of the Blue Man Group, issued a statement regarding Mr. Blubovich’s arrest, but no member of the press has been able to decipher its meaning as of yet.