Tarot is an ancient, mysterious art from the far Near East that uses a simple deck of cards to predict your future! Long favoured by gypsies and chain-smoking ladies who live in apartments above convenience stores, tarot is now becoming a very popular among impressionable teens, bored housewives and people giving unscripted testimonials on late night infotainment extravaganzas. But the cards are mysterious, and only ever address things in roundabout, inscrutable ways – here’s a handy beginner’s guide to what some of the more confusing cards are really saying!
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THE TREE OF LIFE:
Pay special attention to anything treelike you may encounter. This includes: trees, shrubs, plants, steamed broccoli, elves, any part of some evolutionary tree, genealogies, hair, anything made of wood, your career, and of course, love.
THE CARD OF PENTACLES:
Beware any pentacles you encounter in the next meaningful interval, for they bring ill fortune.
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THE HORSE OF SWORDS:
Watch out! Your horse is about to be stabbed! Conversely, your sword may be in danger of being trampled!
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THE DEATH CARD:
Probably the most misunderstood tarot card, the Death card indicates change, or a new beginning. Death of the self, death of an old habit, death of a romantic drought – many things besides the body can die! Rest assured, this does not mean you are about to die.
THE MURDERED CARD:
Someone (or something) is about to make a big impact on your life. Maybe that handsome boss of yours is about to give you a very positive performance review? Maybe that scraggly drifter going through your trash is a secret millionaire with a special gift for you? Maybe that quiet boy you rejected in high school is about to re-enter your life – perhaps as a handsome boss of some sort! When you get the Murdered card, you never know who it’s going to be!
THE GETTING STABBED BY SOME GUY CARD:
Surf’s up on Good Luck Beach!
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THE NONDESCRIPT REDHAIRED LADY HEAD CARD:
Get ready for a big surprise!
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THE GAY CARD:
Prepare to get very happy, for true love has been wearing an excellent disguise!
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THE LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU CARD:
Lucky lotto picks: 2 5 17 18 33 35
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THE TOYOTA TERCEL CARD:
College was a good idea.
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THE RAVEN-LIKE-A-WRITING-DESK CARD:
What?
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THE QUESTION MARK:
What happened to Chris O’Donnell?
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THE BARRY BONDS ROOKIE CARD:
Tragedy is your landlord – ready thine rent.
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YOU WILL LEAVE THIS TAROT READING AND WALK INTO THE STREET. THE FOURTH PERSON YOU WALK PAST WILL BUMP INTO YOU. YOU WILL BEGIN A CONVERSATION, TWO MINUTES AND EIGHTEEN SECONDS INTO WHICH YOU WILL BE LIED TO:
Ask again later.
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.RULES FOR DRAW & STUD POKER:
You will receive some excellent psychic advice!
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All cards shown originally from TarotMaster 64, available online from the Terminal Laughter store. Shareware version available at bbsoft.com
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